allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
