My brain says no but my pants say off.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize