quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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