Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
