Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
