Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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