there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
