Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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