i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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