Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
