I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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