epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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