sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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