I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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