Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
