she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
