Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
