thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize