This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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