Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
