how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
