saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he just fucked me for my cheese..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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