if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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