I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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