i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
