You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
