they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
