hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
