You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
