By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
