There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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