I'm so fucking centered right now
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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