that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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