I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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