and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
