Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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