honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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