I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
