He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
