its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
