his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
