It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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