My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Plan B is the new Plan A
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
