He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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