You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
