He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
