This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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