You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
