omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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