went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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