I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
