pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
