Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
