Its about making memories worth repressing
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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