So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
did i walk over a car last night?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
