There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
one two three fourrrrnication!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
