i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
