I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
high people should be assigned attendants
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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