Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You pole danced in your parka.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
