Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
