Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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