He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
