so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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