what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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